A Spanish Girl and Her English Soldier – A Love Beyond Boundaries

Chapter 9 –

England arrived chaotically into our lives. After a rush up to Leeds to collect stuff from our little play home, we moved briefly into Tom and Sue’s house in Pirbright in Surrey.  I had to do some soldiery stuff at the Guards’Depot in preparation for my Officer training at Sandhurst in September. Tom and Sue returned from their holidays in time for a big Ball before Ana and I finally moved into our first very own official Army Quarter.  My main recollection of the ball was Ana and a lovely green dress her Grandmother had bought her. She just dazzled. And I was so proud and so in love.

The flat in Twickenham was rather charming. On the ground floor, overlooking the park and the Kneller school of music whose summer concerts would merrily and sometimes dramatically drift through our windows, the flat was very spacious for the two of us. It was kitted out with army furniture but Ana had brought with her some delightful bits of Spain such as mirrors and ornaments and we had some lovely wedding presents all of which helped give it an identity that was to be an Ana trait throughout our lives. She had exquisite taste and an artist’s eye.

On a practical level, we were pretty broke and without a car as my lovely old Jaguar Mk2 had disappeared while away in Menorca. The car that my father had promised me along with the allowance did not materialise as they had been diverted to his third wife.  And my course at Sandhurst was about to start along with some misunderstandings.

Ana poor girl was faced with being alone during the day in a foreign land whose language she had not yet grasped let alone mastered and whose people were notoriously bad at speaking any language (in some cases their own!).  She was so brave. And I don’t think I gave her enough credit for what she was facing up to. I did not fully grasp her love of Spain and her family, nor what it was like to have to face the challenges that confronted her. She enrolled for the Cambridge English Language course in Richmond which entailed mastering the English bus system which in turn entailed some interesting trips to places such as Slough and Staines, neither of which were on the itinerary. She also had to do the shopping.  Our first big and exciting buy was the fridge, our very own.

I was getting up at some horrible hour and getting back fairly late to do the commuting to and from Sandhurst as well as homework.  But love is amazing and somehow it overcame everything else in its own special way.  We were still playing at husband and wife, playing at having a real house, and enjoying it but our life was a life of love where everything else, as in Paris, was subordinate.  After about a month or so I managed to buy a second hand Morris Minor which made the journey so much easier, hurtling out of Twickenham down the A30 against the traffic and returning in the evening again against the traffic.  The authorities picked up on my, as they saw it, late nights (i.e. returning to the Academy at 6.30 or 7 in the morning every day). I was duly summoned for a stiff talking to by the Company Commander who initially refused to believe that I was married and living in an army quarter and wanted to warn me against a life of excessive partying.  As I have previously mentioned the Army did not really think in terms of marriage before 25 and I was only 22.

Ana then had to contend with my disappearing for 10 days on an exercise in Cyprus just before Christmas. Mike and Heidi drove us down to Sandhurst and a very difficult goodbye as yet another separation loomed. And then on return, the passing out parade, a ding dong with my mother and finally the Christmas holidays.  And that was so special. The two of us alone in our toy house and our very own Christmas.  I know that it is easy to overuse certain words, but I have thought long about this, that Christmas was magical. It was that magic that love brings and it somehow envelops the home and it springs, to surprise you, out of so many little things – a smile, a touch, a shared laugh, a wink or a look, a quiet whisper or a loud declaration; it hides discreetly in the little Christmas tree and twinkles from its lights; it glows gently off the wrapping of the little presents – but above all it came from us slowly grasping that we really had done it; we were together, living our life of love on our own. And somehow we had got through a rather strange beginning and were now truly a couple, not just in our own eyes but for everyone else who came across us. It was hard to believe but simply wondrous and every day when I woke up, I had to touch her to make sure she was real. And she was – gloriously and beautifully real. I would never say she was mine,never claim in a possessive way because that would miss the point that we were freely together, not chained but of choice – and I could say it felt as though we were one because somehow our love and our life had simply melded into this single indivisible entity which allowed each one to be themselves and to express their individuality while united in the joy of togetherness. Opening our presents, cooking our first ever Christmas lunch, eating it, siesta with a mischievous smile……. it was a truly happy and memorable holiday that had an innocence and purity about it that to this day feels rather touching. Perhaps most excitingly, it was affirmation of something we had both said: all we really needed was each other. And that for me is magical because it was true. But equally it does not disguise the fact that when I was not with her, she must have felt lonely and a little afraid and so I find myself loving her even more for her courage and her unconditional commitment to me.

Next on the agenda of this topsy turvy introduction to what I suppose one might term adult reality was my posting to the Second Battalion based at Windsor. First I had to go to Regimental Headquarters to see the Lieutenant Colonel (the one who had given his blessing to our marriage).  As you may have grasped from previous chapters, my ability to impress my superiors in the Army was perhaps not one of my greater strengths. So naturally I managed to do what one just does not do, is absolutely not done, and that was to be late!  I then had to drive from Birdcage walk, next to Buckingham Palace, to Windsor where I continued my propensity for making a brilliant first impression by being quietly told by the Mess Colour Sergeant that my Sam Browne was on the wrong way around…… (my excuse is that if you look in a mirror everything is back to front). Ana and I then had to move house to Windsor and this was a real house with two floors and a garden. Cramming the car full of our stuff we managed the move remarkably and surprisingly smoothly.

The Army Quarters at Windsor were a bit of a distance outside of the Centre and mainly occupied by Grenadiers or members of the Household Cavalry who also had a barracks in Windsor. The reception by my fellow officers was strangely mixed. There is a tradition that new officers are not expected to speak to longer serving ones for the first three months, the idea being to encourage them to engage more with their own Guardsmen. I shall refrain from comment. But for me it was a bit confused as I had spent time in the summer holidays with both battalions and knew some of the officers quite well. Others I did not know at all and some unfortunately were quite unfriendly, jealous of the seniority that I would shortly get which would leap me over them as a result of my Honours degree. Our first party (I think it was an election or some such which provided the backdrop) was strange. No one seemed to quite know how to deal with a young officer who was married to a Spanish girl whose English (despite now being the holder of the Cambridge certificate) was still a little uncertain, a little lacking in confidence). Peter Lewis, the Quartermaster made a valiant and rather charming effort as did a couple of the younger Subalterns, Johnathan Gage and Andrew (I think) Murray. These last two were a Godsend.

My lateness for the Lieutenant Colonel resulted in a punishment of a number of Piquet Officer duties. In essence it meant I was confined to barracks for the 24 hours of the duty.  This was further compounded by my getting it wrong with the Lieutenant Colonel again. This time, I managed to lead another young officer astray and we both failed to salute him as I was under the erroneous impression that we only did it once a day (that rule applied to the Commanding officer who was a Lieutenant Colonel, but not the Lieutenant Colonel who was in fact a Colonel, so that is clear then!)  The result was two weeks extra Piquets – poor Ana and thank God for Gage and Murray, who luckily were as childlike as one might wish and became happy playmates at our house keeping Ana amused with silly games and helping her English no end. After a short time I was deemed ready to be the Officer of the Guard at Windsor Castle, another 24 hour duty which involved changing the Guard twice as well as various other patrols and duties.  The Officer’s quarters were in the castle overlooking the quadrangle where the ceremony took place when the Queen was not in residence.

Ana was able to visit me in the Castle and so life was not so bad.  One afternoon, we were surprised to hear a knocking on the door. Rapidly trying to find clothes and to look as unflustered as possible, I opened the door to find two French Officers who were visiting the Battalion and had been sent up to have a look at what the Guard duties entailed. There is no doubt that Ana’s blushes showed but it all went really well as we both spoke French to their delight. As they left, the senior one said with what has to be termed a knowing grin “Carry on please” (Continuez s’il vous plait) which is the correct military expression, but in this case had nothing to with any military duty.  She resisted a little in following his instructions, fearing another interruption but I managed to persuade her that we would be left alone….. The funny thing is that it was quite permissible to have guests and I don’t think whoever had written all the rules had considered the question of sex. As far as I know there was not actually a rule that said that you could not. I doubt the Adjutant would have seen it that way had we been caught.

Ana is also probably the only Officer’s wife to have inspected the 10 o’clock turnout of the Windsor Castle Guard dressed in a Grenadier Greatcoat and Bearskin. One of the Guardsmen remarked that “the Officer smelt nice tonight!” Fun was always on the agenda. In this instance I suspect that I would probably have gotten into a lot of trouble had we been caught, rule or no rule.

It is no secret that Ana exuded a sexual magnetism, something extraordinarily exciting and every now and then it could be a plague for her to bear. It is something hard to define as it is not about being beautiful, albeit that she was, but she had it and there is nothing that she could do about it.  On this occasion, an individual who had become besotted with her started with the nuisance calls and soon they became quite threatening. The police had an idea of who it might be but could not tie it down and as Ana had been in England for some 9 months, it seemed like a good idea for her to have a break and return to Menorca where her father now had a new hotel, Los Delfines.  I was on the Platoon Commanders’ course in Warminster which meant she was alone during the week in any case.  She spent three weeks in Menorca. I hated the separation but it was good that she could see her family and she was able to use the roof terrace of their house to get the most amazing all over tan – wow just wow on her return!  Getting in and out of England despite her passport stamp offering unlimited access usually involved a bit of  a fracas in those days, but she got back and I can still remember the reunion, what she was wearing and how stunning she looked.  I think her returning says so much, so so much. And I think she knows what it meant to me – the affirmation that this life was one we would live together. Of course, for her there was no question of not returning, but my fear of losing her along with my unfettered and fruitful imagination could and did play horrible games. There has never been anything I feared more than losing her.

We had had to sell the Morris Minor but in the summer I bought a seriously old Cortina mark 1 Estate.  It was a characterful vehicle, hideous but it just about worked on its special mix of oil and water and we loaded it up for our next move. Windsor has and had a charm. And it is easy to get to Heathrow, where we had much fun guarding the airport against terrorist attacks and London where Ana and I could enjoy another of our Cities. Shorncliffe, near Folkestone and Dover was further from London, more isolated and the recipient of horizontal rain blowing in from the Channel on top of its cliff. So about a year into our marriage we were moving into our fourth house. It was a bit bigger and again Ana quickly made it a home. It was here that we met the Wardles. Johnny was my Company Commander and Janie his wife.  They remained one of Ana’s favourite couples for ever and Janie was one of the very few Army wives that Ana truly liked.

It was not a big house and quite how this all worked I am not really sure, but we ended up with Ana’s mother, sisters and niece all staying along with at one point her grandparents and parents.  The Cortina had gone and I now had a little mini cooper which brought London into evening range.  We all spent some time in London and it was the most extraordinarily chaotic and sometimes stressful time. It ended before Christmas with a bit of a row and we were on our own again.  Ana loved the Sunday curry lunches at the Mess and she made some friends amongst the Army wives; she worked for a bit in a publishing company; we bought a mad Red Setter who was simply lovely; we had quite a few parties and mess events. But Shorncliffe was not Paris, Madrid or London; it was a little bleak and I am aware that neither of us loved it as a place, but love continued to carry us through this rather ‘not us place’.  I know that we grew closer together. And our relationship’s explosive quality continued. When the dark clouds of depression descended upon Ana, life could be difficult, but she knew that I understood (it was something which had, she said, differentiated me from the others) and for me it was a part of her and that meant I would never judge. I just loved her. And when the stress and her period brought out spots on her face I loved them as part of her.

And then came our first big surprise.  I came home one evening and was greeted by a worried and tearful looking Ana.  She was pregnant. After all our discussions, she was so nervous. She knew she would never abort but she feared that I would not be happy. I remember hugging her so close, so tightly. I remember tears from both of us and I remember how we looked at each other with so much love and so much happiness and so much surprise. It was 1975. I was 23 and Ana 25. And we were going to be parents.

It was not an easy pregnancy. Ana had high blood pressure (pre eclampsia) which was worrying and at one stage I was called back from an exercise as she had to go into hospital. I was not aware at the time that part of the cause was the Doctor who was so taken with Ana (that sexual magnetism) that he became a pest and his behaviour was not helping. I think Ana did not want to worry me and thought she could manage it, which she did but it did not help.  Her parents flew over for the birth and her father kindly bought me a mark 2 Cortina as we had had to sell the Mini.

29th September 1975 was the day at Ashford hospital. It was an exciting day and Ana being Spanish and expressive hit a rude Midwife on the nose with her oxygen mask, ripped the back of my shirt to shreds, screamed gloriously loudly and produced an 11 lb girl.  How I loved Ana and how quickly did I love my daughter with her amazing mop of black hair.  I think we both knew that this little girl was a love baby born out of a truly exciting night of passion and that far from interrupting our love affair she had simply become a part of it, she would enter our fairytale world of make believe and would become for Ana, during our separations, a reminder of me, her little Diarmid. And how Ana loved her.

After a few weeks, Ana’s father paid for a trip for Ana and her sisters to go to Paris for a few days. I have a postcard from her talking of how strange it was for her to be in our City without me. I missed her horribly but was happy that she had had a break.  I remember on her return, we could not find somewhere to be alone as her 3 sisters and her parents were in the house.  It was thus that the Cortina offered us a sanctuary at the bottom of the cliff as we rejoiced in being back together, a couple so in love, but I don’t think we ever had to use the car again.

Ana had decorated the little nursery in a lovely yellow with a charming wooden cot and little birds hanging from the ceiling to ensure that our new playmate had somewhere that was cosy and beautiful. And she seemed able to become a mother so naturally.  I was nervous about what sort of a father I would be. I did not really have a role model and had to try and learn from scratch. I had a wife who was very tactile and would pinch and stroke her baby and so I  learned from her and then, through trial and error, I learned what this little bundle of love enjoyed and I realised that if I loved her, if I let love lead me, it would not be too bad. So I don’t think we grew up, I don’t think we changed. I think we just welcomed our new playmate, this little person into our lives, loved her and cared for her, but found the room and space for our own love too so that it could flourish and so our Neverland world could carry on.

For my part, I learned that not only was I madly passionately in love with the girl I had met in Paris nearly 4 years previously, but I had fallen in love with a young mother who luckily had fallen in love with a young father.

So as we reached 3 years of married life in July 1976, our love had grown, our friendship had grown, we were now parents.  The exotic Latin flower that I had uprooted and brought to England had to some extent been a little shaded behind the language and rather different culture for some. Others had been able to see and sense just what an amazing creature had been transported to our island. But for me, our time together had simply been the continuation of our never ending story, of seeing the wonder every day of this remarkable human being who had blessed me with her choice.  She never let me down; she never disappointed me. And she provided this wonderful cocoon within which we could live our very own Neverland life, in which we could take the time to appreciate each other and us. She liked it that we were different and she guarded that difference fiercely.  Our laughter, happiness and love were protected and nourished within our little play home.

The posting order for my next job was a jolt, a mix of excitement and dread of what it entailed.